Klingon Drinking Songs & Musicals
by Bella Azzurri
Summary: B'Elanna knows more than a few Klingon drinking songs. Post Virtuoso & Memorial. P/T with implied J/C. First fic. Blame the plot bunny.


**Title: Klingon Drinking Songs & Musicals  
Author: Bella Azzurri** (anya1_m@yahoo.com)**  
Rating: PG  
Category: Romance/Humour  
Spoilers: post _Virtuoso_, post _Memorial_, mid season 6  
Keywords: P/T, UST **(possible J/C)  
**Summary: B'Elanna knows more than a few Klingon drinking songs.**  
**Disclaimer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! **

Author's note(s):   
#1 *mumblegrumble* Can't write a buggrin' fic without having it go longer than my buggrin psych assignments. Six thousand wordes. Ugh. Do you know that a psychology thesis is 10,000?! Gah. *mumblegrumble*  
#2 First _Voyager_ fanfic. First and foremost an _X-Files_ fanfic writer.  
#3 Anti-romance. Pro P/T. Blame the plot bunny. 

-- 

"What? No!" B'Elanna growled. 

"Please?" 

"No! Get back to work Ayala!" 

Lt Ayala turned back to his temporary-assigned console in Engineering. He'd never convince the hotheaded half-Klingon to his idea. 

Yet again, Neelix, Morale Officer of Voyager, decided for another 'morale boosting' competition. More like an evening of torture. Somehow Neelix had managed to coerce Lt Tuvok into performing Phalor's Journey as the opening act. The whole thing. And the only way to get out of it was to get involved. At least when you're performing and you've disappeared in the middle of someone's act; there'd be a reason for it. 

Or Ayala would have to smuggle his pillow into the Holodeck. And he hoped Lt. Torres would feel the suffering as well. All through 348 verses. 

*** 

B'Elanna paced inside Holodeck 2. The program was ready, but where was Ayala? She only had two hours before Tom came looking for her, and the last thing he needed to know was this. 

The doors opened, and Ayala stepped in. 

"What took you so long?" 

"Sorry. Jenny Delaney held me up at Stellar Cartography," he replied. 

"I'm sure," she muttered, "Come on, let's get started." 

She grabbed the guitar that was leaning on the stool, while Ayala took a seat at the grand piano. 

"So which one are we working on again?" he asked. 

"Why don't we try the new one?" she said, perching herself on the stool. 

"Actually, I was thinking, maybe we should add something to it." 

"Like what?" B'Elanna narrowed her eyes. 

"Computer, activate character DJ Ayala Beta-Two." 

A holographic character bearing the likeness of her friend appeared, along with a double turntable and sound mixer. 

"Do you remember the last time we used him?" B'Elanna asked. 

"We're not going techno, B'Elanna. Relax. I thought we could add more than a piano and guitar to it, see what the end product might sound like. Anyway, if we get this done, we can perform it for the talent night," Ayala said. 

"I told you, we are not going to do anything. You're welcome to perform by yourself, just don't get me involved," she said. 

"Why? Afraid a certain Helmboy might take more notice than necessary?" Ayala winked. 

B'Elanna growled, but Ayala waved it off. "Let's get to work." 

*** 

"There were some problems a few days ago with the helm, and I couldn't reroute power from Engineering, but Carey and I managed to fix the problem. Other than that, Engineering's fine," Torres reported. 

"Oh, is that why the ship was flying itself?" Ensign Paris mumbled. 

B'Elanna shot him a death glare, which he evaded with a Paris smirk. 

"As for the problems with the holodeck's characters, we'll be able to fix them by next week, at the latest," B'Elanna continued. 

"Excellent," Captain Janeway said. She rose from her chair. 

"Now, I heard Neelix has come up with a competition?" she asked. 

"Indeed Captain," Tuvok acknowledged. 

"And how does performing Phalor's Journey give you the chance of winning, Tuvok?" Tom asked, a cheeky glint in his eye. 

Tuvok raised an eyebrow, "Ensign Paris, if you cared to read the itinerary set up by Mr. Neelix regarding the competition, I am just the opening act. I am not competing." 

Tom rolled his eyes. 

Janeway clapped her hands together, "Well, I've decided that all the senior officers should get involved this time..." 

"But..." B'Elanna spoke up. 

Janeway held up a hand to silence her, "Specifically the male senior officers, as none of them have performed before. I'm sure the pools are betting Commander Chakotay can't do the Russian dervish to save his life." 

Tom's eyes widened. You could almost see the light bulbs blinking up above him. 

"Captain, why the male senior officers?" Chakotay inquired, ignoring the diabolically cheeky grin on Tom's face slowly turn to dawning realization. 

"Commander, Lt Torres, Seven and I were involved in Neelix's previous... endevour." 

"B'Elanna played a clock standing in the corner!" Tom practically wailed, "Telling the time doesn't count as acting." 

"Yes it does, Flyboy," Torres snarled. 

"Dismissed," Janeway ordered. B'Elanna took the opportunity to throw a victory smirk at the ship's pilot. 

*** 

"A competition?!" Tom almost screeched. 

"Relax, Tom. We just need to find something… exceptional," Harry said. 

"You can do the can-can while playing your clarinet, but I'm not about to embarrass myself. At least, not in front of the crew." 

"Or B'Elanna." 

"She'll never let me live it down." 

"So what are you going to do?" Harry asked. 

"Last time I checked, about two people were singing," Tom said. 

"Off key?" 

"The Doctor put his money on Seven." 

"She's singing again?" 

"I don't know," Tom answered. He lay down on Harry's couch. Harry picked up his clarinet. 

"Where's B'Elanna?" Harry asked, inspecting the instrument. 

Tom gazed at the ceiling, "In the holodeck. You know, her 'private time' or something." 

"What's she doing?" 

"No idea, Harry." 

"You know, I just might consider the can-can and the clarinet…" Harry started. 

Tom bolted up, "I thought you said we could do this together!" 

"I am. You play the clarinet, and I'll do the Russian dervish?" Harry suggested helplessly. He was out of ideas, and if doing the Russian dervish was the easy way out, he'd forever be in Captain Janeway's debt. 

"Harry!" 

*** 

B'Elanna sighed, "I'm out of ideas." 

"What if we added a few record scratches to it?" the holographic deejay asked. 

"Doesn't sound too good. What if we slow it down?" Ayala tried. 

"I tried that yesterday. Doesn't work," B'Elanna said. 

"What if… I sing?" Ayala suggested. 

B'Elanna looked thoughtful for a moment, "Maybe. Take it from the top?" 

*** 

"Well, that was progress," B'Elanna commented, putting the guitar down. She hopped off the stool, stretching. 

"Now we only have to name it," Ayala said, scribbling on the manuscript. 

"The Worst We've Ever Written." 

"You're kidding," Ayala said, looking up from the old-fashioned manuscript. 

"That's a better title," she quipped. 

Ayala rolled his eyes, "B'Elanna, I don't see what's so bad about it. You're good at this." 

B'Elanna threw him a disbelieving glance. Ayala sighed. He'd never convince her. 

"Oh, B'Elanna, I need your help." 

"No." 

"You don't even know what I'm asking!" Ayala retorted. 

"Okay. What?" she pushed the holographic deejay aside, idly twirling the records on the turntable. It produced a rather irritating sound. Ayala cringed. 

"Well, you know the competition…" 

B'Elanna absently tried scratching the record, producing a more acceptable sound, "I'm not helping you." 

"Computer, activate video Ayala Beta-Four-Three-Eight." 

A widescreen emerged at the other end of the holodeck. Music started up, and the characters on the screen started singing. 

class=MsoBodyText2> "The song's called Elephant Love Medley," Ayala said, as a video rolled. 

B'Elanna observed the 'music video', as Tom had once explained to her. "Elephant?" she snickered. 

"The guy's name is Christian. She's Satine," Ayala said. 

B'Elanna stopped scratching the record as realization dawned, "What? No! Why can't you just create a holographic version of her?" 

"You're better. And with all the practice we've had on our own work, we know yours and my voices are in sync. Besides, it's easier to practice with you than a hologram." 

"I'm touched," she said, crossing her arms defiantly. "No. That's final." 

"You'd rather sit through 348 verses of Phalor's Journey?" Ayala asked. 

"Yes." 

"What are you so afraid of?" Ayala asked, playing his trump card, and hoping Sickbay is on alert to transport him should he end up with a broken nose. Or legs. Whichever came first. 

"I'm not afraid! I just don't feel like embarrassing myself in public again!" 

"So you sneezed the last time. So what?" 

"Clocks don't sneeze!" B'Elanna yelled. She winced, recalling Neelix's last morale boosting project. The play went off without a hitch, unless you counted her sneezing so loud it echoed through the holodeck. And during a poignant scene too. Captain Janeway had a hard time trying not to snicker as she delivered her lines. 

Not to mention Tom Paris laughing his guts out in the audience. She'd had a good yell at him after that, and even that peace offering kiss didn't quite cool down her anger at his laughing at her. 

"So you made a small mistake. That doesn't mean you're going to sneeze again," Ayala persuaded. 

B'Elanna stared at Satine. She raised an eyebrow. Ayala watched her as she sized up the image on the screen. 

"I'll make you a deal." 

This time Ayala was surprised. B'Elanna turned to face him. 

"You create a hologram of Satine, and I'll sing her part. We could easily have her lip sync to a recording of my singing," she said. 

Ayala shook his head, "Why can't you do it live?" 

"I don't like live." 

"Holodeck Two's not in use on that day, why don't we just project your voice from there? You can watch everything from Holodeck Two and keep up with the holographic Satine. No one will find out. And if anything goes wrong, you can fix it. You know how unstable the matrix has been lately when it comes to the characters." 

The moment Ayala finished his sentence, the holographic deejay flickered into appearance on top of the piano. Ayala rolled his eyes at it. 

B'Elanna considered Ayala's suggestion. She imagined Ayala's voice mixing with Satine's. It didn't have the same effect. 

"Fine," she huffed. 

Ayala grinned. Looks like he'd be safely backstage after all, ignoring the strains of Phalor's Journey. 

*** 

Chakotay sat in the middle of Holodeck Two. No program was running. He had looked through the whole database, and couldn't find a suitable 'talent' that he could do with ease. He wondered if Tuvok needed any assistance in performing Phalor's Journey. 

"Computer, activate program Alpha-Three-Eight." 

"Program active," chirruped the response. 

Chakotay watched the holocharacters perform the Russian dervish. Possibly for the tenth time. He didn't know, he'd lost count an hour ago. He was still highly averse to the idea, but he didn't have much of a choice and was actually considering the Captain's teasing suggestion. Much to his own horror. 

"Chakotay to Voyager?" came a voice. 

"Computer end program," he said hastily, turning to face a bemused Tom Paris. With Harry Kim beside him. 

"I see you're actually taking up the Captain's idea," Tom replied with a smirk. 

Harry looked at Chakotay, "We've had the holodeck booked at 1900." 

"I guess I must have overstayed my two hours," Chakotay said. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Have fun," he said, heading for the exit. He decided that another look at Voyager's database wouldn't hurt. Or he'd have to alert Sickbay over his intentions to do the Russian dervish. 

"Commander," Harry called. 

"Yes?" 

"Are you having trouble finding something to do?" he asked. 

"It's pretty obvious, isn't it?" Chakotay said, wondering what Harry had in mind. 

"We've pretty much hit rock bottom, but I have an idea, and if you'd care to join us, it might save our sides being split in two watching you do the Russian dervish," Tom said. 

Chakotay ignored Tom's teasing grin, "What do you have in mind?" 

"Computer, activate program Paris-Beta-Twelve." 

One end of the holodeck grid dematerialized, producing a wide viewing screen. 

"New Kids on the Block? What the hell is that?" Chakotay stared at the widescreen. He'd rather the Russian dervish right now. 

"Better than the Russian dervish," Harry said. 

"I'm not dressing in… that," he said, gesturing at the unusually large pants worn by the members. The Russian dervish suddenly looked highly appealing. Splitting the sides of the crew or not. Sickbay had a very efficient doctor, last he checked. 

"This is one option. Apparently they made more money than any band around from merchandising alone back in the 20th century," Tom said. 

"And what is Option Two?" Chakotay asked. If Option One was this bad, he couldn't begin to imagine the catastrophe that is Option Two. 

"Computer, display program Paris-Beta-Thirteen," Tom ordered. 

The New Kids on the Block disappeared from view, to be replaced by another group. At least they have their pants on right, Chakotay thought of the new one. 

Harry's nose wrinkled, "They're… pretty boys, Tom." 

"So what? It works. We can take three of them, and we'll just create holographic versions of the remaining two," Tom said. He seemed to be keener on this program than the last. 

"And who exactly are they?" Chakotay asked. 

"The Backstreet Boys." 

"The what-boys?" 

"The Backstreet Boys." 

The three men spun around. The Doctor stood near the entrance, watching the widescreen. 

"Doc?" 

"It seems that when Captain Janeway mentioned 'male senior officers', that seemed to have included me," the Doctor explained. He looked rather irritated at the idea. Captain Janeway forbade him from performing his usual opera and threatened to modify his vocal subroutines if he didn't comply. 

"Join the club, Doc. Then we just need to make one holographic Backstreet Boy," Harry said, moving to the holodeck console. 

"Wait, remember the problem we've been having?" Chakotay interjected. 

"The problems with the characters' matrices," Tom said. He forgot about that problem. 

"I could easily do two members," the Doctor offered. 

"We could just divide the solo parts up." 

"Or we could pick something else," Harry offered. 

A small argument ensued. 

*** 

B'Elanna stepped into the turbolift, "Deck Nine," she ordered, not even looking up from the PADD she was reading. 

"There's no way… what?!" she hit her commbadge, "Torres to Ayala," she snapped. 

"Ayala here." 

"You didn't tell me my character was a whore?!" she said accusingly. 

"A courtesan," he replied smoothly. 

"Whore!" 

"There's a difference you know." 

"Any more surprises, Ayala…" she snarled. 

Ayala grinned from the other end, "No more, B'Elanna." 

"Torres out," she said. The turbolift doors hissed open. Her eyes still down on the PADD, she completely walked past Tom. 

"B'Elanna!" he called. She turned back before the doors to her quarters could open. Tom was walking towards her. She looked down at the PADD. 

_ Think fast_, she thought. 

She quickly deleted the lyrics from her PADD, bringing up one of Ayala's old security reports. She could always retrieve them later. 

"You seemed a little… distracted," Tom said, when he caught up with her. 

"I've been busy," she said. 

"With Ayala?" Tom asked. He wondered exactly what they got up to in the Holodeck, but he knew it was none of his business. Besides, it was common knowledge Ayala was eyeing for the affections of Jenny Delaney. 

"I've been helping him with his performance." 

"Oh yeah, I saw his name on the list. What's he doing?" 

"It's a surprise," B'Elanna said, smiling at him. 

"Really? I don't suppose you might be, oh, performing, would you?" 

Her heart skipped three musical beats. _How did he guess?_ She thought. She quickly shook off the thought. Tom was always curious about hers and Ayala's time on the holodeck, and he had been trying on many occasions to find out what it was, short of breaking into her personal files. Even Tom wouldn't risk a broken nose just to peek at her personal files. 

"He needed some… programming expertise," she said. 

Tom stepped closer. 

"As I recall, I was the resident holoprogrammer," he said, gazing down at her. 

B'Elanna took a step closer, her body almost touching Tom's. She gave him a seductive smile, throwing him off the loop. 

"I… um… ah…" he stammered. B'Elanna leaned forward, as if to kiss him. 

Tom recovered long enough to watch B'Elanna's lips slowly close in on his. 

Only she pulled back just as they were about to touch. She quickly stepped into her quarters with a Cheshire cat smile, and the doors hissed shut. 

Tom keyed in the codes to her quarters. "Privacy lock engaged," the computer chirruped. 

He sighed in frustration. "B'Elanna?" he called. No response. 

He shook his head, and then walked away. 

*** 

Janeway was at the corner of the Mess Hall, idly going through Tuvok's latest security report. Which wasn't much. They haven't encountered anything to explore or hostile aliens for two weeks. 

Which was a pretty good run. The crew needed a break, and Neelix's competition gave them some diversion from their duties. One side of her mouth quirked up. She couldn't imagine what her male senior officers would be up to. 

"Captain?" 

She looked up. Neelix stood there with a pot of coffee. 

"We need a judge for this competition. I was wondering if you would do it?" he asked, filling up her cup. 

A thought ran through her head as she lifted the cup to her lips. She scanned the mess hall at the same time. When she had put her cup down, she was smiling at Neelix. 

"Captain?" he asked uncertainly. 

She rose from her seat, Neelix following her. She approached the crewman, innocently investigating what passed as 'lunch' in the mess hall. 

"Crewman Jones," she said, startling the poor fellow into attention, "As you were." 

"Y… yes ma'am?" 

"Crewman, would you be interested in judging the competition next week?" 

Crewman Jones looked flustered. He wasn't sure whether it was an order or a request. 

Janeway senses his dilemma. She patted his shoulder, indicating for him to wait. 

"Crewman Lyle, Ensign Moriarty, Lt Carey," she said, picking out random crewmen in the Mess Hall, "Would you be interested in judging the competition with Crewman Jones next week?" 

The crewman and ensign seemed to have a similar reaction to Crewman Jones'. Only Lt Carey didn't buckle under the pressure of being addressed by the Captain. 

"Of course, Captain," Lt Carey answered. 

"Good. And what about the rest of you?" she asked, looking at the two crewmen and ensign. They nodded meekly. 

"Mr Neelix will give you all the information you need. As you were," she said. 

She could swear that Ensign Moriarty, Crewmen Jones and Lyle heaved a very audible sigh of relief when she walked out the Mess Hall. 

*** 

"We've been going through every single music theme for two days! I don't see why we can't all do a little musical!" the Doctor almost wailed, throwing his hands up in exasperation. 

"Not all of us have your… vocal prowess, Doctor," Chakotay muttered sourly. 

"And we're supposed to be doing this together," Tom said. 

"You know, I kind of liked The Rolling Stones…" Harry started. 

The Doctor, Chakotay and Tom glared at him. 

"… or not," he finished. 

Tom slumped on the stool, leaning forward on the controls. It made a slight beep before the screen in front of them presented a new video. 

"What did you do?" Chakotay asked, an accusing glare at him. 

"Nothing!" 

"Wait…" the Doctor said, listening to the strains of the music. 

Tom stared at the screen. 

"You know, I quite like this," the Doctor said, snapping his fingers to the beat. 

"And we don't need to create a new holographic character," Harry added. 

Chakotay stepped closer to the screen, then turned back, smiling, "This one?" 

No one argued. 

*** 

B'Elanna sauntered into the mess hall, PADD in hand. She took a cup of coffee, nodded at Neelix, then proceeded to sit next to Ayala. 

"Ayala, I can't do this. Every time I think of the title I start laughing," B'Elanna said. 

"We've been practicing. You'll get over the title soon enough," Ayala said. 

"No, I won't. Look, if you really want me to help, you've got to pick something else. Because if I hear the words 'Elephant Love' again, I'm reporting to sickbay." 

Ayala scrolled down his PADD, "There's another song, it's from the same movie…" 

"Does it have 'Elephant Love' in it?" B'Elanna asked, the corners of her mouth turning up. 

Ayala rolled his eyes, "No." He passed his PADD over. 

B'Elanna scanned through the contents, "This looks alright. We could get started after our shifts. Holodeck Two?" 

Ayala nodded. He watched B'Elanna leave, stuffing a mouthful of Neelix's special of the day. 

He spat it out, gasping as he reached for his glass of water. 

*** 

Kathryn draped her leg over the armrest of her command seat, staring past Ensign Paris' head to the view screen. Gamma shift was quiet. She wondered what Harry did when he had charge of the Bridge. At least Tuvok wasn't here to patronize her slumped position. 

Her ears pricked up as she detected the faint sound of humming, coming from the helm. 

"Mr. Paris?" she enquired, eyebrows raised. 

Tom turned back, "Sorry, Captain. Must have gotten carried away." 

Janeway smiled, running a hand through her hair, "Any idea what Mr Kim does on these graveyard shifts?" 

"Well, short of strip poker…" 

"That's not what they do!" Ayala called from his tactical station. 

Janeway threw a smirk at Tom. He shrugged. Gamma shift didn't agree with him either. She slumped further into the seat, knowing she was looking more and more unCaptain-like as she absently played with her commbadge. 

"Enjoying yourself, Captain?" Chakotay's voice jumped her out of her musings. She quickly removed her dangling leg from the armrest and scrambled to her feet. 

Gamma shift was over. Tom was nowhere at the helm. He must have bolted the second his replacement showed up. She managed a crooked smile at Chakotay. 

"Commander. I assume you've been practicing for our little competition?" 

Harry, who had relieved the Ensign on Gamma shift, choked slightly. 

Chakotay passed an unreadable glance towards the ops station, "Yes, Captain." 

"I don't suppose I should withdraw my rations on that Russian Dervish?" she asked as she made her way to the turbolift. 

"They're your rations," Chakotay replied casually, settling in the First Officer's command seat. 

Kathryn elicited a small chuckle as the turbolift doors hissed shut. 

"We can't even catch up with each other! We're not alright!" Harry whispered fiercely. 

Chakotay turned to Harry, "I know that. We just need time." 

"We _need_ to deactivate the Doctor!" 

They had been having trouble harmonizing. Chakotay discovered he wasn't much of a singer, but he'd rather sing off key than the Russian Dervish. Harry had a mediocre voice, but it wasn't exceptional. The same could be said of Tom. And the Doctor was becoming more and more intolerable as he expected everyone to meet his high standards. Chakotay wondered exactly what he could do to persuade Kathryn not to let him go through with ridiculing himself. A few unfavourable, yet favourable, thoughts invaded his mind. 

_ Do **not** go there!_ His mind screamed. 

"We'll see to this later," Chakotay said to Harry, ending the conversation. 

*** 

One week later… 

Neelix bustled around, attempting to escort every single crewmember who entered the holodeck to their seats. Lt Torres had only managed to fix the problem with the holodeck characters this morning, but he didn't want to risk using holographic attendants this evening. 

Most of the crew were dressed in civilian clothing. Those still in uniform had just come off duty shift. Even the Captain was dressed down for the evening. Neelix hoped this event would be a good distraction for the crew. The auditorium he found in the ship's database was more than adequate for the competition. 

*** 

Holodeck 2… 

"I've got the character set up. I'll be able to see the stage from here, and as soon as you walk onstage I'll activate the character, and start singing," B'Elanna said, her fingers dancing over the console. 

"Thanks, B'Elanna. You think you've managed to stabilize the problem with the characters?" Ayala asked, straightening his black vest. 

"I fixed it," she said, looking up from the console to glare at Ayala. 

"Alright, alright. I know you did," Ayala said, raising his hands in mock surrender. 

"Come on. I don't need to be here until a few minutes before you come on. Computer deactivate program." 

She and Ayala left Holodeck 2. 

*** 

Holodeck 1… 

Harry twiddled with the cuffs of his shirt, nervously watching the Delaney sisters do a last minute practice backstage. 

"Mr Kim, shouldn't you be warming up your voice?" the Doctor asked. 

Harry passed the Doctor an irritated glance, "I don't see why. I know I don't have the best voice, but I'm trying." 

"Then you should warm up!" 

Harry rolled his eyes, "La la la. Happy?" He walked off, leaving the Doctor more annoyed than usual. 

He managed to find Tom and Chakotay in a dark corner backstage. 

"The Doctor tried to make you warm up too?" Tom asked as Harry approached them. 

Harry nodded, slumping against the wall, "Why did we do this again?" 

"Captain's orders," Chakotay grumbled, straightening his jacket. 

Tuvok strode backstage and called for everyone's attention, "We will begin in approximately two minutes." 

"Well, at least we don't get to listen to Tuvok," Tom conceded. 

The three men winced as they heard the beginning strains of Phalor's Journey, and proceeded to find a more soundproof area backstage. 

*** 

Janeway leaned towards Neelix, "Is Tuvok's performance really necessary?" 

She silently counted the verses left for Tuvok to recite, as Neelix replied, "Well Captain, he may just be the opening act, but I think this is really boosting his morale." 

Janeway knew it wasn't boosting _her_ morale. She heard B'Elanna sigh audibly next to her. She wondered if the rest of the audience had fallen asleep. She resisted the urge to turn back. A few seats to her other side, the crewmen she had selected to be the judges seemed to be fighting the urge to nod off. 

When Tuvok had finally sung out the final verse of Phalor's Journey, Janeway felt like throwing Neelix into the brig for even suggesting that Tuvok perform. Neelix never caught on that Vulcan poetry and Vulcan music all share one thing in common: they're _Vulcan_. 

Surprisingly, Tuvok received a tumultuous applause. Janeway suspected the crew were more than relieved that he had finished. 

Neelix climbed onstage, "Now we shall move on to the next part of our itinerary. We will begin with a stand-up comedy routine by Crewman Tal Celes…" 

*** 

Backstage… 

Six performances later, Chakotay, Tom, Harry and the Doctor prepared for their turn. 

"Now just remember, if you can't hit the note, at least do it with feeling," the Doctor encouraged cheerfully. 

"WE KNOW!" replied the other three. 

Lt Ayala came up to them, "Doctor, you and your… ensemble… are up next." 

Harry groaned, "Hirogen… the Borg… anything!" he prayed as he looked heavenward. 

*** 

"Well this should be interesting, don't you think?" Neelix whispered as Tuvok announced the next act. 

Kathryn could not stop the silly grin forming on her face. If Commander Chakotay managed to rope Tom and Harry into the Russian Dervish, she wasn't going to miss it for the world. 

She heard B'Elanna release a snicker as Tom, Harry, Chakotay and the Doctor walked onstage. 

_ Wait, they're not dressed for the Russian Dervish_, Kathryn thought. And the music wasn't right either. She seemed to have missed Neelix's introduction. 

___ (Doctor)   
Spending another night alone,  
Wondering when will I ever see you again.  
Thinking what I would give  
To get you back._

She turned to look at B'Elanna, who had an amused expression plastered on her face. 

Her own expression mirrored that of B'Elanna's as Harry began to sing. 

___ (Harry)  
I should have told you how I felt then  
Instead I kept it to myself.  
I let my love go unexpressed,  
'Till it was too late,  
You walked away-eeeeeee._

Harry turned red when he couldn't keep his voice from straining. B'Elanna could hear some of the crew snickering behind her. She turned to fix them with a warning glare. 

___ (Tom, Harry, Chakotay and the Doctor)  
Was it something I didn't say,  
When I didn't say I love you.  
Was it words that you never heard,  
All those words I should have told you.  
All those times,  
All those nights,  
When I had the chance to. _

The Doctor nudged Harry, Tom and Chakotay in turn, forcing them to spread out on the stage. _Remember, feeling!_ he mouthed. Tom rolled his eyes. 

___ (Tom)  
Always assumed that you'd be there,  
Couldn't foresee the day you'd ever be leaving me.  
How could I let my world,  
Slip through my hands. _

Tom caught sight of B'Elanna, seated in the front row next to the Captain. As he sang his lines, he stepped down the stage and kneeled in front of her. His other hand came out from behind him, holding a single pink rose. 

B'Elanna blushed furiously as Tom offered the rose to her. She took the rose from him, all the while trying to shrink into her seat. 

Kathryn looked on, half entertained at the scene playing out next to her. She smiled as Tom brushed a finger against B'Elanna's cheek, then proceeded to take her hand. B'Elanna didn't know whether to break his nose or his legs at the moment. 

Her attention was turned away as Chakotay began to sing. 

___ (Chakotay)  
I took for granted that you knew,  
Oh love, the love I had for you.  
I guess, you never had a clue,  
'Till it was too late,  
You walked away. _

Chakotay remained onstage, but his gaze was fixed on Kathryn. She felt herself blush involuntarily. She then reminded herself not to coerce any of her male senior… okay, specifically Chakotay, into events like these. Ever. 

___ (Tom, Harry, Chakotay and the Doctor)  
Was it something I didn't say,  
When I didn't say I love you.  
Was it words that you never heard,  
All those words I should have told you.  
All those times,  
All those nights,  
When I had the chance to. _

The Doctor descended the stage, and Tom finally released his hold on B'Elanna's hand. 

___ (Harry)  
All the words were in my heart,  
Well, they went unspoken.  
But baby now my silent heart,  
It is a heart that's broken. _

As Harry sang, the Doctor made his way to where Tuvok was seated, and produced a red rose for him. Most of the audience were able to suppress their laughter as the Doctor cheekily offered the rose to him. Tuvok accepted with a raised eyebrow, which carried over to Tom Paris, who was smirking onstage. 

___ (Doctor)  
I should've said so many things,  
I should've let you know,  
You're the one I needed near me,  
But I never let you hear me. _

(Tom, Harry, Chakotay and the Doctor)  
Was it something I didn't say,  
When I didn't say I love you.  
Was it words that you never heard,  
All those words I should have told you.  
All those times,  
All those nights,  
When I had the chance to. 

The audience broke into loud applause as the last strains of the song ended. Some of the female crew were screaming Harry's name. Harry seemed more confident as he took his bow with the rest, and even managed to revel in the sounds of the squealing female crew. 

Kathryn applauded with the rest of the crew, beaming in amusement at each of her senior officers in turn, as she fixed her gaze on Chakotay, he presented her with a wide smile and a wink. She rolled her eyes. 

Neelix shooed the four off the stage, "Well, after that rather wonderful performance, we now have Seven of Nine performing a scene from Macbeth…" 

Neelix's announcement was B'Elanna's cue to leave. She nodded at Captain Janeway, then made her way to Holodeck 2. 

*** 

Holodeck 2… 

"Computer activate Program Torres-Gamma-Five," she ordered. 

"Program active." 

She headed to the console and dropped the rose on it as the widescreen in front of her panned out to a view of the stage in Holodeck 1. Seven of Nine was performing her contribution to the competition. 

B'Elanna activated the character of Satine in front of her. She checked the program, making sure that it was working and that the character would not malfunction. 

*** 

Holodeck 1… 

As Seven was halfway through her performance, Tom, Harry, Chakotay and the Doctor made their way to the audience. Chakotay filled the seat B'Elanna had vacated next to the Captain. Tom, Harry and the Doctor filled up the rest of the front seats. 

*** 

Holodeck 2… 

B'Elanna checked and rechecked the holographic character, preparing to transfer Satine as soon as Ayala broke into song. 

*** 

Holodeck 1… 

"That was an absolutely stunning performance by Seven of Nine. Next up we have Lt Ayala performing Come What May, a duet he will be performing with a holographic character," Neelix announced. 

"I didn't know Ayala could sing," Harry whispered to Tom. 

"Ssh!" hissed the Doctor. 

The holographic character flickered onto the stage as Ayala emerged from the side curtains, dressed as Christian. 

___ Never knew I could feel like this   
Like I've never seen the sky before   
I want to vanish inside your kiss   
Every day I love more and more _

At that moment, the holographic character began to flicker… 

*** 

Holodeck 2… 

B'Elanna watched as the character began to flicker, then completely disappear. She frantically attempted to compensate for the loss but couldn't seem to bring back the character. 

Her frazzled mind arrived at one conclusion, as she watched Ayala singing with a confused and panicky expression on his face. 

"Computer initiate emergency site-to-site transport," she ordered. 

The computer chirped in response. 

"Wait, belay that order…" she said, using one hand to tap into the console, and the other to remove her black dress. 

*** 

Holodeck 1… 

Ayala panicked as Satine flickered into nonexistence. He continued singing, hoping that B'Elanna was already trying to retrieve the character. 

___ Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing  
Telling me to give you everything   
Seasons may change, winter to spring   
But I love you until the end of time _

At that moment, he caught the faint whirr of a transporter, and from the corner of his eye, he could see B'Elanna appear behind the side curtains, hands behind her back, struggling. 

Once she managed to solve whatever battle that was going on behind her back, she practically skidded out onto the stage. Or, she tried, seeing that she was wearing a replica of the red gown Satine wore. 

___ (Ayala)  
Come what may   
Come what may   
I will love you until my dying day _

She nodded at Ayala as she joined him onstage. He gave her a smile of relief, and reassurance. 

___ (B'Elanna)  
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place   
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace _

(B'Elanna and Ayala)  
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste 

(B'Elanna)   
It all revolves around you 

B'Elanna didn't have time to think, or panic, until she began to sing. All she was thinking was Ayala standing there alone, wondering where Satine had gone. She searched the audience, looking for a familiar face to comfort her. 

Except that familiar face was in shock at the prospect of hearing B'Elanna sing. Not to mention the whole audience, with the exception of Captain Janeway. She wore a small smile, an unreadable smile. 

___ (B'Elanna and Ayala)  
And there's no mountain too high   
No river too wide   
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side   
Storm clouds may gather   
And stars may collide   
But I love you (I love you) until the end of time_

Tom sat there, halfway between amazement and awe. His eyes traveled down the length of the dress, memorizing every curve, contour and shadow. His ears picked up her smooth flowing voice, committing them to his long-term memory. 

___ Come what may   
Come what may   
I will love you until my dying day _

Oh come what may   
Come what may   
I will love you (oh I will love you) 

(B'Elanna)  
Suddenly the world, seems such a perfect place 

(B'Elanna and Ayala)  
Come what may   
Come what may   
I will love you until my dying day 

Kathryn was the first to rise, followed by Tom, as the thunderous applause filled the auditorium. The Doctor and Harry were still gaping, the Doctor's subroutines obviously still processing what he just experienced, Harry's mind still trying to make sense of the scene that transpired in front of him. 

*** 

"What happened?" Ayala asked as soon as they were backstage. 

"The character matrix destabilized. I thought it had something to do with the holodeck's character subprocessors, but I guess I'll have to look into all the holographic character matrices." 

"You were great out there, by the way," 

B'Elanna suppressed the need to roll her eyes, "Thanks. I'm going to go change out of this. Good luck. I'm sure you'll win." 

"You mean we." 

"No, just you," she said as she left backstage. 

*** 

B'Elanna slipped through the sides of the auditorium, heading for the holodeck exit. She stopped for a second to glance at the Delaney sisters' magic act before exiting the holodeck. 

Tom noticed her leaving, and he patted Harry's arm, then rose and left, following B'Elanna. 

*** 

Holodeck 2… 

B'Elanna realized that she forgot to deactivate the program in her mad site-to-site transport-costume-changing rush, and she could see Megan Delaney sawing Jenny in half on the viewscreen. 

She immediately reached for her black dress, thrown on top of the console, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles. She then reached for the back of the red dress, attempting to find the zipper. 

"You know, people usually engage the privacy lock first." 

She spun around in shock, "Tom!" she snarled. 

He grinned, leaning against the console. He picked up the pink rose, sitting at the edge of the console. 

"Are you just going to stand there?" she demanded, her hands on her hips. 

Tom diverted his gaze from the rose to B'Elanna, raising his eyebrows in question. 

She turned, her back facing him, "Help me." 

He shot her an amused grin, "Always happy to help you undress," he drawled. 

The only return he got was a glare as he made his way toward her. He moved her searching hands away from her back, easily locating the zipper. His fingers brushed against the material of the dress, and B'Elanna shuddered at the contact. 

She heard the sound of the zipper being pulled down, and she felt the contact of cool air where her back was exposed. She felt Tom's finger run the length of her spine, while his free arm snaked around her waist. 

"We need to get back," B'Elanna said, as Tom's hand caressed his way up her waist, to her side, then to her bare arm. 

"In a while," he murmured, pulling down the strap of the dress, kissing her neck, and working his way down her shoulder. 

She raised a hand, pulling his away from her shoulder, and turned around, twining her fingers with his. She regarded him for a moment before locking her lips with his. One arm started to wrap around his neck, but Tom pushed it away. He then proceeded to pull down the other strap. 

"Computer, engage privacy lock," he mumbled. 

"Computer, belay that order," B'Elanna broke off. Tom gave her a confused look. 

"Later," she said, stepping away from him and undressing. Tom turned to grab her black dress from the console, and waited. 

*** 

Mess Hall… 

Captain Janeway finally managed to break away from the three crewmembers she had asked to judge the competition. They were making comments on every performance they saw. 

She passed Tal Celes, and she congratulated her. Celes smiled, still holding the large trophy and the thought of the replicator rations she had won. 

Harry was stuck in a corner, though not involuntarily. Many of the female crew were vying for his attention, and Harry was taking the opportunity to milk it for all it's worth. The Doctor was engaged in a conversation with Seven, no doubt impressed with her interpretation of one of Shakespeare's plays and its most complex character, Ophelia. 

"Kathryn," she heard a voice. Chakotay and Neelix came up to her. 

"It certainly went well," she beamed at Neelix. 

"Yes it did," Neelix replied. He held out a plate, and Janeway tentatively chose a morsel from it. He nodded, then walked off, offering the plate to others. 

She turned to Chakotay, "You didn't seem too surprised." 

"At what?" 

"B'Elanna singing. If I didn't know better, I'd say you already knew," she said, taking a nibble at Neelix's creation. 

Chakotay grinned, "I've heard her hum a few lines before. When we were in the Maquis." 

Kathryn shook her head in wonderment at the surprises her Chief Engineer had up her sleeve. 

"Well, I didn't know my First Officer could sing," she said, nudging him. 

"You don't know a lot of things about you First Officer," he shot back, eyes dancing. 

She laughed, taking the arm he offered. 

At that moment Tom and B'Elanna entered the mess hall. B'Elanna was back in her black dress, and Tom's arm possessively around her waist. Ayala spotted her immediately. 

"Everyone says you were great," Ayala said. 

B'Elanna rolled her eyes. 

"She never going to believe you," Tom said. 

"Third place isn't so bad. I've already transferred half the replicator rations into your account," Ayala said. 

B'Elanna started to protest, but Ayala quickly took off. Captain Janeway and Chakotay made their way towards the couple. 

"Captain! I'm sorry about the holodeck character…" B'Elanna babbled. 

Janeway held up her hand, "I know you reported the problem was fixed this morning. Work with Seven, try to find out what happened." 

The Doctor and Harry joined the group, "To think I thought you only knew Klingon drinking songs," he exclaimed. 

Chakotay gave the Doctor a warning look, worried at the consequences of his bluntness. 

B'Elanna gave him a sweet smile, "Neither did I." 

"You know, I've been looking for another singing partner. Seven is good, but she hasn't learned to really appreciate the music. I was wondering if…" 

"No thank you, Doctor," B'Elanna said, cutting him off. 

"Why not?" 

"Come on Doctor, I think Commander Tuvok wants to know how you taught us how to harmonize," Harry said, dragging the Doctor away. 

Janeway and Chakotay nodded, leaving the couple to mingle with the rest of the crew. 

Tom pulled her closer, kissing her forehead, then resting his cheek against her forehead, "Any chance of a private performance?" 

"Not on your life, Flyboy," she retorted. 

"Was it something I didn't say…" he began to sing. 

She smacked his arm, then returned his smile. 

"So how about that 'later' now?" she suggested. 

** END.**

** © Bella Azzurri 2002  
** aka Jean Bond  
The blog - http://jeanbond.pixiestyx.com/  
anya1_m@yahoo.com 


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